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Why I Hate Back to School aka Please Do Not Call Me About 10¢ Glue Sticks!

As much as nothing will bring me more joy than putting my two “little people” back on the school bus tomorrow, what it takes to get there is, quite frankly, a real pain in the butt.  

From the time August rolls in, the TV is full of cheery kids in bright plaid outfits and cutesy hats dancing around to upbeat music as they board a yellow school bus. You may notice: There are no moms in these ads!!!!

And that brings me to why I hate back to school time.

It’s not just the mad rush of back to school shopping and the way otherwise normal people, go absolutely crazy over 10 for $1 glue sticks. Ok maybe it is. It’s not how my girlfriends start showing up at Old Navy at 6 am for “doorbuster specials” just to get t-shirts for $2.  Or even worse, call me up at 6:30 am asking if I want her to grab a few. Yes, thank you, but really I want to know why you got up at 5 am to buy kid clothes. Save that kind of energy for Nordstrom. Seriously.   

But what I really can’t understand is why the school supply lists are now so long they have to be collated, bound and sent parcel post. WTF?? Every year I’m eager to see what else we are going to be asked to bring to school. If it’s not disinfecting wipes and mops (hello, don’t our taxes pay for a school janitor?) or paper towels or DVDs or chinaware. Next we will be asked to supply our own desks and chairs (I hope I’m not giving them any ideas).

Last year, I made the never-to-be-repeated mistake of getting my school supplies on the night of the first day of school. Let’s just say, I could have gone postal in Staples. I haven’t stood in a line that long since I was outside Madison Square Garden trying to get New Edition tickets. You would have thought the gloved one himself was in Staples looking for a glittery folder and a monkey backpack the way the line looped up and down four aisles.

Of course, the only reason why I, being a sane woman , would have ever been in the war zone known as Staples on the first day of school was because I registered my children late. I registered my children late because for the past three years the “wasband” has registered the children at his address because he technically lives in a better school district and its part of our legal agreement.  But that year, the new girlfriend, whom I affectionately call…well, never mind, made a huge stink about our legal agreement and my wasband didn’t have the cojones to put her in her place. At least, not by the first day of school. And so I had to stand on line for three hours and register my kids in my own school district on the day before school began.  

I share this so you can understand my mama-on-the-edge mindset when I was standing on line again that night in Staples ready to stab someone with a number 2 pencil. If I could have found a compass in that mess, I would have been arrested. But the place looked like Beirut. And there was barely anything left.  At the end of it all, Kayla’s folder for the first day was plain white and came from my home office. Draw your own pony or star, I told her. Builds creativity, I told myself.

But still the frenetic mayhem among moms is crazy. The” Did you do your BTSS ” phone calls. The “Done with BTSS (that’s  Back To School Shopping in text-ease for the uninitiated)???” texts. The BTS sales at Walmart alerts. Enough already.

Remember when you went to school with a (plain) notebook and a pencil. And you better hope that your backpack was tore up (or you tore it up real quick in early August) or you would be rockin’ the same back pack from last year.  I’m all for one first day of school, back-to-school outfit, but after that you have to wait. It’s still hot here anyway, you can wear your summer clothes for a few weeks.

But the truth is, after 8 weeks of museums, amusement parks, trips to the zoo, aquarium, the pool, the beach  and still countless “mommy, I’m bored’ moments, we’d gnaw off a limb to get these jokers back in school asap! Schools, we beg you to take them off our hands and we’ll buy 55 supplies and coffee and biscotti for the teacher’s lounge if we have to!!  I’m so over summer. And I’m over the back to school frenzy. What I really need is that moment after the last school bus pulls off and I get my minute-to-myself and 8am to 3pm days back.

6 Responses to “Why I Hate Back to School aka Please Do Not Call Me About 10¢ Glue Sticks!”
  1. Dee says:

    I am cracking up b/c I went to four different stores yesterday trying to get the last back to school items. My poor brother in-law came over yesterday and we put him to work sharpening pencils for our kindergartner!

  2. HM says:

    HA! Thanks for the Tuesday-Monday Hilarity! …and Happy School Year from the frosted mini-wheat.

  3. I am so with you on this!! The back to school supply list is, how can I put this? RI-DONK-U-LOUS!!! My 10 year old had a full backpack and a shopping bag to go to first day of school with, and this will be the first of maybe 3 trips of supplies! Like Really? Whatever happened to notebook, glue, scissor, eraser and everything was supplied by school? I really miss the days of old just showing up!!

  4. Kimberly says:

    chocolate mama, I’m surprised your son didn’t tip over!! And @Dee, calling in family back up for kindergarten pencils!! Ri-Donk-u-lous is right!!! After lugging two heaving shopping bags full of non-notebook related supplies to school this morning, I’m soo going to write off the back massage I now desperately need as a school-related expense!!! Well, we survived! And here’s to a great school year ladies!! But if I see one dirty desk in that classroom after I supplied all those paper towels and wipes, that teacher is gonna have hell to pay!! LOL!

  5. LOL! OMG…Hilarious. I just went to my son’s PreK class and in turn got a double-sided list of materials needed…including paper towels, wipes, hand soap, on and on…All I know is even if he doesn’t learn his alphabet this year he will be the cleanest kid in town!

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