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From Single Mom to REALLY Single Mom…the Wasband Goes AWOL

Just when I was getting the hang of my post-divorce, single-mom life with some ease and swerve, the "wasband" throws me a major curveball. "I'm moving back to London," he said one Friday night on the phone, all nonchalant like he was going to Cosco. (I don't know how to write that screeching sound of a needle scraping across a record but please insert that sound in your mind here). And he was leaving that Monday!! (yeah, do the sound thing again).

My first thought was for my children. They were used to seeing their Dad every weekend. And this abrupt change in their routine wasn't going to be good. My second thought (and I gotta admit, it was VERY close to my first) was, "What About Me???"

I had become very accustomed to our Friday night to Monday morning routine. I needed the break! It was my time to breathe for a minute, run naked in the house and, honestly, get a lot of work done. I allowed myself bike riding, board games or Wii breaks with the kids during the week as the my work piled up because I knew I could make it up on the weekend. I cut down on mid-week babysitting expenses by mostly booking speaking engagements and book signings on the weekend. The weekends were my time to get my hustle on if I needed to, catch up on my work if I needed to and enjoy the quiet, as I always needed to.

I really didn't see this coming.

But here I was, about to be on 24-7 duty with no family nearby, no child-swapping girlfriends nearby and local childcare costs that made me feel like I'm only leaving the kids with a sitter if I'm going to make money.

The first few weeks were ridiculous. I had a number of weekend book events that had been previously arranged given that  Mr. Wasband never gave me a heads up he was even considering moving out the country. I was scrambling to patch together child care and when I couldn't, I had to cancel and walk away from the money.

I had lost all touch with weekend moms and weekend kids event because I rarely had my kids over the weekend. We did our ice skating after school. Now, the weekend came and I had four eyes looking at me for activities.

But mostly, I was resentful of being left holding the bag like that with 24 hours notice. Needless to say, the non-existent child support continues to be just that. The childcare costs are rising because I do have to work and have clients to see. And Mr. Man is off in London having tea setting up shop for his new family, I suppose.

Now I really know what single motherhood is about. And it ain't pretty.

But we are adjusting. And we've been having some amazing weekend experiences.

You know how we do….why exactly do we do how we do single moms???

Oh yeah, because we have to.

If you have some tips for me on how manage the 24-7 life of single motherhood, I'm asking nicely. My "me time" is a faint memory.  And the little quiet I used to steal while the kids were at  school ends this week, and I will have two sets of puppy-dog eyes to satisfy.



In motherhood,


4 Responses to “From Single Mom to REALLY Single Mom…the Wasband Goes AWOL”
  1. LF says:

    I totally understand your sentiment. As a single mother, even though my daughter’s father thinks that I am not despite the fact I pay for all childcare, food, clothes, diapers, shelter, health care, hair products, medicine, etc….I know all to well the challenge of doing it alone.

    My coping mechanism is talking to my sisters and sister friends and always trying to make myself better. If I can do that on a regular basis, I know that all will be fine. I do have those moments where I get sad and wish things were different, but the joy I get when I look at her each day and the love that she gives me, I am happy that I get most of the time with her. It is his loss to miss the day to day joy that she brings.

  2. Lauren says:

    wow. these men have no sense of reality outside of themselves. its very disturbing actually. i’m wondering when is this going to be declared a tragedy. like a serious haiti earthquake hurricane katrina oil is still leaking in the ocean TRAGEDY. the way these men walk and fly away from their families ridiculous! what i know for sure is what goes around comes around and a man who doesn’t take care of his family is setting himself up for a difficult existence and ultimately failure. the father of my girls took a job an hour and half and bought a house an hour away from where we live and where the girls go to day care and i thought i had it bad! Kim, i would recommend looking into a baby-sitting co-op in your area. I feel more comfortable with other moms watching my girls than a teenager/college student. and sometimes you can bring your children with you to the sit, so you can still earn points. I wish you much energy and strength!

  3. Lisa Fitzgerald says:

    First of all pray and ask God for guidance. Get up and Breathe knowing that you can do all things through Christ. As a single Mom of three children ages 19, 16 and 4 oh yeah throw in that my 16 year old just had a son (I’m a Grandmother at 39) I know all too well about this single parenting life. Not by choice mind you. I was Married to their Father, but we divorced, got back together after ten years (hence the four year old) but in all actuality I was still doing it on my own, when we were together.

    I had a great support system in my Mom unfortunately she died over three years ago. I have wonderful sisters, biological and sister friends that help when they can, but most of them are in the same boat. You just have to take things one day at a time, realize that you are NOT SUPERWOMAN, ask for help when needed which is MOST OF THE TIME, lol! Don’t feel bad about dirty dishes or the fact that your house may only get cleaned on the weekends.

    Enjoy your children, as much as you can, while trying your hardest not to take your frustrations out on them, which we sometimes do. And understand that you will only have them at this point for a season and just love, love love them until God comes and changes your situation.

    And oh yeah pray for your Wasband. And know that somewhere down the road he will reap what he has sown I AM A LIVING WITNESS OF THAT! In the process of it all Keep your head up and sow positive seeds into those beautiful gifts.

    God Bless you!

  4. OK, I’m not mature enough right now to say pray for the wasband, but girl, don’t listen to me because my emotions can get in the way of me saying whats right!

    But here are my ideas.

    My son and daughter are the same ages as yours, and this may seem bizarre to some folk, but I still believe in naps! Mmm hmm, for an 8 and 10.5 year old. Camp all day in the summer, school all day in the winter, and so I feel that naps are needed daily! Use that time to get some work done, have some me time, listen to the quiet, or nap when they nap, just like when they were new born. You’ve got to get your rest too.

    What about camp 3 times a week, and only for half of the day?

    I think I’ve read that you have a pool Get your Jackie O sunglasses, pull up a chaise lounge and move your office under the sun (or in the shade) while your kids splash and play. Invite other kids over so they’ll play in the pool longer.

    This is the season for sleeping in, so rise before the kids do (there is no quiet like wee hours of the morning quiet) so you can get the bulk of your work done earlier. If you get it all in, you’ve got the rest of the day to engage in activities with them. How to make-up that sleep? Remember, naps… for the whole family!

    It being summer don’t matter a thing to me. Summer is not an automatic pass for my kids to stay up all hours of the night! I’ll give them one hour past their normal bedtimes, maybe more on the weekends, and then they must hit the sack. In order to not be too hard on them, I let them watch TV while in bed. This is the perfect time for you finishing up projects for the day.

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