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Daddy Doesn’t Do Hair and Other WTH? Moments

Meeting the afternoon school bus is one of the best mommy moments of my day. When I see the yellow bus noisily chugging down the street and then after it stops and the doors open, I wait with eager anticipation for my little ones to step off the bus. Then it’s smiles, hugs, kisses, and how-was-your-day time.

But lately I’ve been noticing that on Monday afternoons my stomach is a little tight as I see my daughter’s cheesy bus coming around the corner, and I start to hold my breath at the sound of the bus doors opening. You see, I’m a divorcing mom and my children spend weekends with their Dad – my “wasband” as I call him.

Those weekends also mean that he drops them at school on Monday mornings. How they will look when he drops them off is pretty much anyone’s guess. This is of particular concern with my daughter because of her hair. And her desire not to be laughed at.

This Monday, Kayla stepped off the bus with one half of her hair in an awkwardly positioned side ponytail that was one part retro ’80s and one part satellite antennae. I’m not sure what was going on in the back. Her 'kitchen" hadn't been hit with a brush in days and she looked like a “hot mess!”  My poor baby! I could feel the other parents’ stares boring holes in my back. Even the other Black Dad waiting gave me that, "guurrlllll…" look.

She was also very hungry because her Dad packed a lunch but not a snack (though I have “pack a snack” clearly written down on the checklist that I still give him and have given him every weekend for the past two years!!). I’ve done checklists, morning calls, diagrams, power point presentations and short of posting a “How to Get Your Kids Off to School With Everything They Need and Looking Presentable” video on YouTube (wait, I may be on to something!), I’ve been the perfect enabler.

Did I mention that the man is fluent in French and a math whiz, capable of doing complex algebraic equations in his head at any time?

Thankfully my son doesn’t have any hair issues for the wasband to mess up, but no matter how I pack and package, wrap, rubber band, and super glue the matching outfits together, the wasband seems to always do a mix and match that clearly does not match. What gives?

Check out our hilarious Daddy Talk on doing hair at  http://mochamanual.com/mochamanual/Black-Fathers/Daddy-Talk-Doing-My-Daughter-s-Hair.html

Now, I gave up a long time ago expecting all men to be as capable as we are in handling all aspects of raising kids, from bath times to getting dressed to mastering a simple hair maneuver if you have a girl. I know: this is not all Dads. I mean, my brother-in-law is a Dad dynamo and quite frankly often puts my sister to shame on how well he gets all the kids dressed, my niece’s hair brushed and neatly in barrettes, and then has everybody out the door on time. So I know there are some exceptions. I just wish I’d married one. Or divorced one.

Should there be some sort of Dad-ready testing during the dating phase?

In fact, I’m nearly convinced that aside from my brother-in-law, the majority of men suffer from some genetic flaw or are in secret cahoots to never act like they can perform at our level so that we never expect them to perform at our level and give up on asking them to step up their game.

I’m here to say that Dads, we’re on to you. This collective underachievement has got to stop. Dads of the world, you will learn to tidy hair, wipe noses, check for socks and matching shoes, tuck in shirts, and pack a proper lunch and do it well!  Shout out to all the Dads that are doing their thang or continue to try!

In the meantime, I’m teaching my daughter to save herself—a week-long hair styling boot camp! Please send suggestions.

In motherhood,


3 Responses to “Daddy Doesn’t Do Hair and Other WTH? Moments”
  1. Meka says:

    When I went to Florida for a work conference I was nervous that my kids would run wild with their dad. After I made a list of all his duties he told me he didn’t need it and they would be fine. I had my doubts. The day I returned home, my daughter walks to the door and I was in shock.

    Her hair was fine, I had braided it before I left. However, under her uniform dress, her matching white shirt was missing. My child went to school with an undershirt on. And that’s not all. It had the nerve to be inside out and backwards. I couldn’t believe he sent her to school like that, the teachers must have thought that I had a drinking problem or something because none of them sent her home. To make matters worse, her aunt who took the kids to school and her older brother hadn’t even noticed. I could have died.

    • Kimberly says:

      we have all been there! undershirts as shirts!! Oy!! Last week my daughter forgot her gym clothes and the wasband put her pajama pants in the bag as a substitute!!! Thankfully, she called me and I dropped something off at the school, but he didn’t see the problem with PJs as gym clothes at all. SMH. LOL!

  2. Well, you have to look at the signs.
    If he likes kids and looks at them longingly, then it may hint that he’s WILLING to try to raise kids.
    If his parents say he always did his sister’s bed and cooked her breakfast when they’re away working, then it may hint that he’s ABLE to take care of someone and do chores.

    Keep in mind it’s all a hint, since future is unpredictable.

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