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Karrine Steffans Talks Sex: ”A man will either marry a seductress or cheat on his wife with one.”


“A man will either marry a seductress or cheat on his wife with one. Women need to decide which woman they’re willing to be. You either tap into your inner vixen or tap out of your relationship.” Karrine Steffans gets real on how to keep the man you want and has a special message to Moms trying to get their sexy back.

blackshirtsit01.jpgKarrine Steffans Talks Sex, Marriage and Motherhood

Everybody knows Karinne Steffans. She stepped into the hip hop video world at age 21, danced with some of the hottest names in the industry from Jay-Z , LL Cool Jay and R. Kelly,  picked up the notorious nickname, “Superhead,”  along the way,  then told the world about it all in a New York Times bestseller.

Now, Karrine Steffans-McCrary is a three-time New York bestselling author with the release of her latest book, The Vixen Manual: How to Find, Seduce & Keep The Man You Want.  And she’s added another moniker to her list, Super Mom. I caught up with Karinne, who is also a fellow blogger at www.Momlogic.com, to get her real story and her tips for tapping into your inner vixen.

Kimberly: Tell me, why did you write The Vixen Manual?
Karrine: I began writing the Manual over four years ago simply because I have always been curious about the divide between men and women, on all levels, and wanted to explore, question, and make some sort of sense out of it all.

Kimberly: So, you’re married to Darius McCrary (Eddie Winslow from Family Matters). What’s that like for you?  Many people probably thought you weren’t the ‘get married’ type.
Karrine: I am married and my husband and I do not discuss our relationship, publicly. Neither one of our colorful pasts have any bearing on our marriage. I’m not sure why anyone would think I wouldn’t be the marrying type. I dated in my 20’s and was married by time I was 30. Sounds pretty normal to me.

Kimberly:  How has motherhood changed you?  How many children do you have? Ages?
Karrine: I’ve been a mom since I was 19 years old. I’m not sure how it has changed me since I do not remember my life before I had children. What I do know is that being a mom defines every moment, decision, and sacrifice I have made in my adult life. My husband and I have 2 children, ages 11 and 2.

Kimberly: Congratulations. As a married person, why is it important to keep seducing your man?
Karrine: This answer is simple…a man will either marry a seductress or cheat on his wife with one. Women need to decide which one of these women they’re willing to be and act accordingly.

Kimberly:  We have a lot of moms who lose their “sexy” after having kids. As a mom and vixen, what’s your best advice for getting your groove back after baby? How can you feel sexy again? How can every woman tap into her inner vixen?
Karrine: Babies and sexiness have nothing to do with one another. We are women, first, wives and mothers after. A woman’s feeling about herself, her body, and sexuality is an emotional issue and is not dependant on what goes on around her.  As in the chapter, ‘Single vs. Singular’ of  The Vixen Manual, women must learn they are not their titles and separate themselves from, not only their spouses but, their children–even if it’s just long enough to hit the gym, grab a mani-pedi, a latte, and the latest magazines.

Kimberly:  A lot of moms lose their sexy over their  body. “It’s not same…yadda, yadda, yadda…” Is sexy really a body game? A mind game? Or what?
Karrine: There is nothing sexier than a confident woman, however, our bodies are just as important as our emotional state of being. There is no one piece of the “sexy puzzle” that is more important than the other. All pieces work together for the benefit of the whole. I do not believe in letting any part of yourself or self-esteem go. Not one part.

Kimberly: The Black divorce rate is through the roof, what do you think is the problem with black marriages?
Karrine: I can’t speak for everyone, especially not for an entire race of people, but what I do know is that relationships are difficult and marriage is even more challenging. Women and men spend half their lives apart and are, then, expected to come together and know how to be. It’s laughable, at best. Also, women are so desperate to get married and never think about being married. I discuss this in length in the chapter, “Getting Married vs. Being Married.”

Kimberly: What do you think is the solution?
Karrine: There is no “solution!” Every person and every marriage is different. What I do know is that when you disrupt the natural, biblical, order of things, nothing can stand. Women don’t know their power—power to make their marriages work by just showing restraint, exercising silence, and reaching for more traditional solutions. Women’s lib has proven to be both a gift and a curse.

Kimberly: How important is sex to a successful relationship?
Karrine: Sex is as important as financial and family planning. Again, all pieces work together for the benefit of the whole. A woman has to be the best at everything or she leaves room for her replacement.

Kimberly: What’s the one sexual move every woman needs in her arsenal?
Karrine: The only thing that applies to every woman and every relationship is for a woman to know what her husband wants and needs from her man. Anyone who thinks there is one particular trick or technique that works for everyone all the time is only fooling herself and shorting her mate.

Kimberly:  What’s the difference between sexuality and sensuality? Which is more powerful?
Karrine: Naturally, sensuality is a good lead-in to sex and sexuality, so they complement each other well though they are not reliant on one another. Sexuality is limited to all things related to sex, whereas, sensuality stands on its own and is not indicative of sex. Neither is more important than the other. They are both necessary and a woman is required to have both in her relationship—always.

Kimberly: If you’re not confident with your bedroom skills, what can a girl do?
Karrine: There is nothing to “do” to make yourself confident. Confidence isn’t something you just get. You either are or you aren’t. An insecure woman, either sexually or otherwise, is the most unattractive! If a woman can’t find what makes her feel good about herself, her body or what she does with it, no one can help her. You either tap into your inner vixen or tap out of your relationship.

Kimberly:  Well that says it all. Tell me this, sexy is….  
Karrine: Sexy is confident and multi-faceted. There is nothing a sexy woman can’t do—and very well, at that!

Kimberly: I hear that. And a vixen is…..
Karrine: A vixen is the queen of all things–a woman who knows how to use all she is blessed with in order to obtain the quality of life and love she desires. A sexy vixen has a prowess that cannot be denied or contended with.

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