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Black Celebrity Moms: Judge Lynn Toler’s 9 Tips to Recession Proof Your Relationship

judgelynnresized.jpgJudge Lynn Toler has seen her share of relationship battles, check out our interview with TV’s Divorce Court judge, a wife and mother herself, and her exclusive 9 tips for black women to keep their relationships strong through financial hardships.

Black Celebrity Moms  Relationship Rescue with Judge Lynn Toler of Divorce Court 9 Ways to Recession Proof Your Relationship   Judge Lynn Toler knows black women care a lot about their relationships. As the presiding judge on TV’s Divorce Court , Toler has seen her share of husbands and wives squaring off in real life battles. And if there’s one thing that challenges any relationship or marriage, it’s money troubles. And this recession is taking its tolls on Black couples too.
To keep you out of her courtroom or any other, Judge Toler offers these tips. 

1. “Talk about your emotional relationship to money.  Everyone’s relationship is different. For me, money is safety and to him money is comfort. You have to know what having and not having money says about you.” 2. “Making good sacrifices is like good dieting. It needs to be a total lifestyle change. A positive lifestyle change and a focus on the benefits. Instead of having HBO, we’ll have a family game night.  That brings the family together.” 3. Release the fear. “Fear has not offered a good decision yet. Don’t let fear guide your decisions. Get back to the simple pleasures and enjoy yourself.”

4. “If things are at the breaking point, get a third pair of eyes on the situation. Not his best buddy or your girlfriend, but maybe your Aunt Gertie who has a lot of wisdom and common sense.

5. “Don’t have the same argument over and over again. And try to talk when everything is ok. Don’t wait until upset to discuss it. Get out in front of the problem,  and you’re more likely to solve it. “

6. “If you’re a mom going back to work to bring in extra income, remember that everyone has to make an emotional adjustment to your being out of the house. Men rarely see 50-90 percent of what you do anyway, so he may not even be aware of the 7 things I’m doing when I ask him to go get some milk. “

7. “You have to ask and assign duties. Say, Johnny you will do the garbage and someone else will do the laundry. Everyone has to feel like a team. When you’re at work, you don’t want to worrying about the things going on at home. Do your best to establish a routine so things run smoothly at home.”

8. “Ask early. Don’t wait until you’re upset to get some help. And when it comes to your man, ask him for help instead of telling him what to do. An ask is always better with a man, especially when the request involves picking up a mop.” 

9. “If you do argue, stay on point. Stay focused on the topic at hand and don’t let him rattle you.  And never use those big words like, “You always…” and “You never…”  those words always escalate matters.  

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