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A Husband-Less Mother’s Day And Learning to Accept What I’ll Never Get

Maybe it was wrong of me to expect that after seven years of marriage, two children and a no-drama-from-me divorce, that the wasband could have at least sent a “thanks for keeping my kids alive bi-otch” text message on Mother’s Day. Or given the kids $20 toward their own Mother’s Day efforts.  


After all, Mother’s Day is about acknowledging and recognizing all the hard work mothers do. And while we expect mothering to be a thankless job when it comes to our children, we do expect grown ass men to recognize.


Well, I expected that.


Given the skimpy or non-existent child support, the inconsistent visitation and my continued efforts to make sure he stays involved in the children’s life, I think a small thank you would have been in order.  I can’t help but feel that all across the nation last Sunday even bady daddys and one night stand Dads took a millisecond to send a text message or pick up some gas station flowers in a weak Mother’s Day effort. Not my wasband.


He seems oblivious to the fact that his children are always happy, clean and well-cared for even when he doesn’t pay a dime. That he walked out the door with little regard for how I would keep a roof over his children’s heads and yet he sees his kids pretty much anytime he chooses to show up.  He doesn’t seem to notice that his son started reading at age 4 because I work with him every night even when I’m dog tired from holding my family together and that his daughter is a straight A student taking dance and sign language classes because of my encouragement and mothering. I guess, these things must have just happened because of the parenting fairy.   


The fact is, I’m doing a damn good job dealing with circumstances that I didn’t create on my own, and I think a real man would recognize that beyond whatever personal issues exist. It would have been nice to have been acknowledged as a pretty good mother even if you think I was a beast of a wife. But my Mother’s Day was all about accepting that that may never happen. And I will have to be ok with it.  

 In motherhood,


2 Responses to “A Husband-Less Mother’s Day And Learning to Accept What I’ll Never Get”
  1. mami2mommy says:

    You don’t HAVE to accept ANYTHING. But you choose to because you are a “phenomenal woman” who takes the high road and acts like a lady, continues to be an incredible mother, and works her butt off night and day.

    Don’t let the lack of an acknowledgment from your ex define you as a mother. You know who you are and don’t ever forget it! And if you ever do, just scream at the top of your lungs,and remind yourself of Maya Angelou’s words:

    “Now you understand
    Just why my head’s not bowed.
    I don’t shout or jump about
    Or have to talk real loud.
    When you see me passing
    It ought to make you proud.
    I say,
    It’s in the click of my heels,
    The bend of my hair,
    the palm of my hand,
    The need of my care,
    ‘Cause I’m a woman
    Phenomenal woman,
    That’s me.”


    -Mami Jennifer

  2. Benita Russell says:

    I can seriously and passionately relate to this post. I am a divorced mother of two (twin boys) as well and as strange as it sounds, my wasband helped us out when I had to move back to NJ by allowing us to stay with him. Even though the marriage is over and we are not currently in a relationship, I am taking care of my kids and helping him with his two boys also. With that said, I didn’t get any kind of acknowlegement from him. I did get a gift from one of his kids and I appreciate that. But no matter what he thinks of me or whether I am doing a good job with the kids, my reward is seeing them smile, shower me with hugs and kisses, and tell me they love me. So to all the other mothers that raise their kids solo, keep your head up because we have our reward every day of the year, not just on Mother’s Day. Thank you Kimberly for this post. I see more and more that I am not alone and we are here to encourage each other. Keep on pressing, the best is yet to come.

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