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Me? A Control Freak–A “Wasband” Confession

First, I’d like to start off by giving a shout-out to all the Fathers with visitation or joint custody who drop off and pick up their kids on time! Single moms need their break!

Now about me. Since joining the divorce rolls and the world of the “werewifes” and “wasbands,” I’ve been learning a lot about myself. Some it it, ain’t pretty. Lately, I caught another glimpse into my personality and I thank one of our new Dad columnists for helping me see the light.

Confession time: I have a thing. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable thing, but it’s a thing. First, a little background. Sometimes the regular visitation schedule for the children derails or becomes slightly inconsistent–either we don’t hear from Mr. Ex or the kids have parties or we travel and get off schedule. Whenever we hit a hiccup, and I’m not sure if this is or is not his weekend or a makeup weekend, I only ask (as do the court documents governing the arrangement) that Mr. Ex text me Thursday or Friday before the weekend to let me know what time he will pick up the children. This way I know what’s up for the weekend so I can plan accordingly.

Because there have been inconsistencies, I like to make plans to keep the kids distracted and busy if he doesn’t show up.

Okay, so back to my thing. Lately, the wasband has taken to not giving me the prior heads up, even a text confirmation, instead calling on the actual Saturday at noonish (as we’re dressed or getting ready to get on with our plans) to say, “I’ll be there in an hour.” I find this totally unacceptable. Usually, I’ve already arranged a play date or other activity.

And even if not, am I wrong for expecting him to confirm the pick-up within a reasonable time before hand?

I don’t think so. And after giving in several times and dropping my plans for the kids often with lost money in tickets purchased or embarassing last-minute calls to cancel playdates, last week I said No. You need to call the night or day before and respect my time. The children and I went about our day.

Then I felt a terrible twinge of guilt. The guilt intensified when Greg emailed his submission for his first column for our new BlogFathers section. Was I playing the M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction) control game he describes in his column?

Was I denying my children time with their father because he refused to do things my way? I have always prided myself on keeping the children out of the divorce mess, and like I said, have usually given in to his last minute calls.

Read Greg’s column and let me know what you think.
Was I wrong? Don’t worry, I can take it.
By the way, the following week I received a pick up confirmation call on Friday. Victory or personal defeat?

In motherhood,

4 Responses to “Me? A Control Freak–A “Wasband” Confession”
  1. Greg says:

    Please don’t feel guilty about playing the M.A.D game. I am sure someone as lovely as you wouldn’t have done so on purpose.
    The good news is that now you have identified that this could’ve been happening you have a choice not to.

  2. Arlice Nichole says:

    I read Greg’s article, which was great by the way and I look forward to more. I don’t think this is the case for you. I think your ex is either being lazy or inconsiderate of your time.

  3. Kimberly Allers says:

    thanks Arlice. I appreciate your response. i’m navigating new waters and trying to do my best! But when I do slip up, please let me know. 🙂

  4. Tanyetta says:

    I love your honesty on this post.

    My only suggestion would be to have a serious heart to heart with your wasband and come to an agreement that you both will come to a plan that you can stick to. It’s only fair to everyone involved.

    Good luck. I hope it works out.

    p.s. I love that you are NOT backing down 😉

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