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Kimberly Konfessions: Body Part Breakdown

I consider myself a
very enlightened parent. We, at The Mocha Manual Co., take mommyhood
very seriously. I’m very conscious of my childrens’ psychological and
emotional development, I try to stay abreast of the latest ideas on how
children think and learn, and I try to be fun and approachable.

recently I was confronted with a rather awkward challenge to my
self-perceptions. This particular challenge involves my three year
old’s knowledge and use of proper names for certain body parts. I’m
just going to put it out there. Up until about three months ago,
Michael had a name for his private part and it was Lala. We have no
idea where Lala came from, when Lala was created, but I knew what he
was talking about, the nanny knew what he was talking about and Michael
knew what he was talking about.

All was good in
Lala Land, until one day a well-meaning male friend, also a father
whose parenting skills I admire, said I had no business allowing my son
to walk around calling his penis a Lala. Well, at first I told him to
mind his own business and go back to his own house.

then I felt bad. Was I wrong for not teaching the proper name for that
particular body part and letting him continue with his baby talk? Did
this mean I had issues with talking to my children about the human
body—undisputably God’s most amazing creation? Was I not as progressive
as I thought myself to be?

I should also mention that Michael referred to my breasts as Lulus, but that’s another blog.

I gave in. The next time Michael referred to his Lala, I corrected him
and told him it had a different name. Then I went one step further and
told him that the things next to his Lala are not balloons, as he calls

let me tell you, this is my biggest parenting regret to date. Children
armed with knowledge are dangerous little creatures. Episode one began
at Target. I went in to pick up a few school supplies however Michael
went inside to share his new knowledge.

“Do you have tes-ti-tles?”

“Would you like to see my penis?” he asked every shopper in ear shot.

if he would’ve said Lala, this would’ve been a completely different
scene. But imagine the patrons of my Long Island white suburban Target
and their response to my curly head brown boy asking if they would like
to see his tes-ti-tles. Did I mention that he grabbed the respective
area for visual effect? I couldn’t help thinking how I wouldn’t be in
this situation if we would’ve stuck with Lala.

two, three and beyond occur every morning when he wakes up and shouts,
"Look mommy, my penis can go up. Come look Mommy," and then he invites
Kayla to come check out his newfound trick.

I’m starting to wonder if this whole enlightened parent thing should
have boundaries like, um, really good for music, art, or the sciences.
But maybe it shouldn’t creep that low into such areas as private parts.
There’s a good reason why the infamous “Head, shoulders, knees and
toes” song skips right over that area!

be told, its still a troubling area for adults. When was the last time
you referred to your man’s body part by its proper clinical name—not
the one you or he made up ???)

if adults don’t use the proper names and all of our children are going
to end up using pet names in adulthood anyway, I say we cut out the
middle man and just stick with pet names from the git-go! As long as we
get across the message that it’s a private area and no one is to touch
it, then what’s wrong with doodles, wee wees, va-jayjays and lalas,
anyway. Who’s with me?

you’ve had an experience where you realized that you weren’t as
enlightened as a mother as you thought you were? Do you have a great
body part name substitute or you just a mad funny story about body
parts and little ones, then tell us all about it here.

get some real advice from real experts on the importance of teaching
your child the proper body part names and why, try these links:

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