Just for Single Moms
Get the Help You Need. My 4 Biggest Dont's
by Kimberly Seals Allers

Whether you’re a single parent by choice, by chance or circumstance, your issues are relatively the same. You need support. You need help. And most importantly, you need a break.  Here’s how to get the support you need by avoiding my mistakes.

My entre into the world of single moms didn’t come by choice. I was married for several years until my husband moved out. 

Usually, the first place you look for support is family. After living within 30 minutes of my parents for most of my mother years, my own Mom and Dad relocated to South Carolina a few years, figuring I was in a stable family situation.  Boy, did I miss them even then. Having my supportive parents nearby was a gift I won’t ever forget. My sister who used to live 10 minutes away had already relocated to Virginia. But just a few months after my parents moved, I was a single parent—I had lost my support, lost my husband and was living in a relatively new area, with no family connections. Now, the court prevents me from moving out of state and I’m stuck where I am without any family nearby.

It is what it is, as they say. So, I have struggled to build meaningful friendships in my neighborhood—especially the kind that you could actually leave your children with for a much needed break. This has been a huge challenge and continual process. So while I’m talking to you about building support and your own network of friends, I am actually on this journey right now.  And I’m making big mistakes left and right.  So I start with my biggest Don’ts for single moms. 

1. Don’t assume nobody understands you.  It’s easy to feel as if no one “gets” what you’re going through.

2. Don’t feel like a burden to you, your friends and your family. Sometimes I wouldn’t ask for help because I didn’t want to “bother” a friend or relative. Hey, everybody has their own busy life. But learning to ask for help is one of the most important things you can do as a single mom. 

3. Don’t be alone. There’s no badge of honor for exhausting yourself mentally, physically or emotionally because of some superwoman complex that says you don’t need anybody. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

4. Don’t ignore your own self-care. This is where I make the most errors. When ignoring my own health landed me in the hospital for several days, I finally understand that my children need me to healthy and strong to take care of them. If I am not at my best, I can’t take care of them. More importantly, I am not teaching them good habits when I ignore my own well-being.