I appreciate the sentiment and all, but I have to tell you, as a Black mom, I'm really starting to get a little frustrated with Black History Month.

 

 In fact, I've grown to hate Black History Month because inevitably one of my children will come home with an absolutely incorrect fact from a well-meaning but not too thoroughly prepared teacher.  

 

For example, one year Kayla came home after seeing the Black History Month play at her mostly white private school. I asked her what she learned from the play. Her response, “that slaves stole things and they didn’t know how to read or write.” HUH??? Was this the teachable moment the school was going for?

 

My correction: Slaves were not allowed to read or write. They would be killed for that. There’s a big difference.

 

Another year it was yet another assignment to write about slavery or how Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. Needless to say, we did something else. 

 

Attention teachers, principals, and all educators in any teaching role imaginable: Black history is more than just slavery. If you are going to teach black history, please don’t just talk about the parts that you feel most guilty about, the parts that come readily to mind or the parts that you were taught in school decades ago.

 

And it wouldn't hurt to try something new.  

 

Now I fully understand that Black History Month was instituted in February because it was the birth month of Abraham Lincoln, who freed the slaves and Frederick Douglass, a leading abolitionist who helped slaves escape via the “underground railroad.”  

 

However, there are a host of other periods to discuss during Black history Month, like the Civil War, Reconstruction or the amazingly powerful Harlem Renaissance.

 

Think of people like Madame C.J. Walker, the first black millionaire. Or Thurgood Marshall, the first African American on the Supreme Court. Or Ralph Bunche, the first African American to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Or the time when Harlem became the hotbed of black intellectualism, art, music and culture.

 

Better yet, take a look at our rich African heritage. Any good encyclopedia (remember those?) will tell you that the historical roots of black slaves in the United States can be traced back to the ancient kingdoms of Mali, Ghana, and Saonghai in central and west Africa. These kingdoms were rich in art, literature, and music. This historical reality was purposefully suppressed to support the proslavery moral position that needed to convince the world that blacks were less than human. This is a truth that must be taught.

 

Please do not make more work for me by having to correct your historic wrongs. I’ve spent years and earned multiple degrees studying your history, so please take a few moments to get black history correct. Quite frankly, I have enough to do.

 

I should not have to send my children to the Benjamin Banneker-Malcolm X-Betty Shabazz-Booker T. Washington School for them to get an accurate black history month experience. I won’t even begin to expound on why African American history isn’t taught more all year round.

I’m hoping that every year more and more teachers will get the point, that our history as Americans is as integral to this country’s history as any other group.

And one year soon, I can scratch “correcting Black History Month errors” off my February to-do list.

Black Motherhood: Celebrating Our History, Redefining Our Experience

 

February is all about reflecting on black history. As mothers, our black history is a tale of painful beginnings followed by triumphant gains.

Major Triumph: Michelle Obama becomes First Lady of the United States. She epitomizes everything modern black motherhood is about, career success, loving partnership, and commitment to being the mom-in-chief of your own family command center.

But getting to Michelle Obama has been a long and often troubling journey. The black motherhood experience in this country had a distressing start with lingering effects that still hover overhead today. First, let’s go back. As enslaved black mothers we were viewed as breeders not humans and we had no control over our experience in motherhood or our children. As slaves, our children were ripped from our bosoms and sold as we stood helpless in despair.

Our experience as black mothers was always laced with pain.

We didn't get a break during pregnancy either.

"Labor of Love, Labor of Sorrow: Black Women, Work and the Family from Slavery to Present by Jacqueline Jones, details how pregnant slaves were forced to lie face down in a specially dug impression in the ground when they were whipped. Perhaps in the demented mind of the slave owner, he was simultaneously protecting his economic investment in the fetus while still punishing the mother.

But we always wanted more for our children.  And even as freed-men and -women, it was also clear that we saw the role of mother as tantamount to preserving our families, our communities and to the progression of the black race.  Contrary to popular belief, we have a history of being thoughtful and resourceful about our duty and power as mothers.

Witness this excerpt from a speech by Frances Ellen Watkins Harper, a 19th century African American abolitionist, teacher, women’s rights advocate, writer and poet. She spoke these words on November 15, 1892 in a speech called Enlightened Motherhood, an address to the Brooklyn Literary Society.

“The work of the mothers of our race is grandly constructive. It is for us to build above the wreck and ruin of the past more stately temples of thought and action. Some races have been overthrown, dashed in pieces, and destroyed; but today the world is needing, fainting, for something better than the results of arrogance, aggressiveness, and indomitable power. We need mothers who are capable of being character builders, patient, loving, strong, and true, whose homes will be uplifting power in the race. This is one of the greatest needs of the hour."

Pretty powerful stuff.

In 1902, the book Twentieth Century Negro Literature, included an essay on the responsibilities

of educated black women on the black race written by Sarah Dudley Petty, a writer, teacher and preacher’s wife.  What were her thoughts on black motherhood?

“A faithful, virtuous and intelligent motherhood will elevate any people…True patriotism, obedience and respect for law, both divine and civil, the love and yearning for the pure, the sublime and the good, all emanate from mother's personality… . I would urge then, as the first prerequisite for our work, a pure, pious and devoted motherhood.”

Years later, our quest to define motherhood moved to the television screen. When I was growing up in the late 1970s and 1980s we looked to successful women like Clair Huxtable on the Cosby Show and Vivian Banks on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air for a glimpse into what black motherhood looked like. Every Thursday night on television, Clair Huxtable, Esq, showed a generation of future lawyers, doctors and accountants that upwardly mobile black women could indeed have it all. We could raise five kids without a nanny, take care of a house, maintain a high-powered career, be adored by our husband and still look glamorous and sexy. Whether having it all is truly possible for any woman (white, black or green) is still debatable, but this was new territory for black women. For decades, this was something that only seemed possible for white women.

This black history month, I’m asking all black mothers to remember our history as women who carried our families and communities. Mothers who didn’t listen when the world said we were thoughtless breeders and our children were mere commodities to be bought or sold. In more recent history black mothers have been publicly shamed as crack mothers, welfare queens, and the face of “baby mama drama.” Black single motherhood is blamed for all sorts of social ills from crime to drugs to “wilding” teens. And black mothers are often represented in popular culture as neck-rolling domineering control freaks who run circles around our men. Even the critically acclaimed movie, “Precious” has raised eyebrows for perpetuating ideas of black women as abusive mothers.

But I’m asking you to stay true to what you know: These stereotypes are very far from the truth. In truth, black women today have redefined black history and created a new conversation about our roles as mothers.  For example, when I watched the Brady Bunch and Happy Days and reruns of Leave It To Beaver, the subtle messaging was that being a stay at home mom and catering to your child’s every need was a white woman’s pleasure. Black women have always worked—as slaves, as cleaners, as teachers, as doctors, as lawyers. Even our TV mamas  (Clair Huxtable included) always worked. 

Today more and more black women are stay at home moms (myself included), we have robust national organizations like Mocha Moms to support women who are making motherhood their career (even if just for a few years or so). 

This shift in our motherhood experience may seem subtle, but in the framework of our history, it is groundbreaking. And thrilling. It not only speaks to how far we have come as a people, but how far we have come as black mothers, who went from having no control over our children to taking control of our children, our lives, and our families’ financial future.  We now have varied and different motherhood experiences yet we still know we are doing extremely important work that goes well beyond our home.

As the naiton celebrates our history this month, take a moment to reflect and celebrate your history as a black mother. Join me in celebrating you!

 

 

I really couldn't believe the recent spread in Vanity Fair heralding the next generation of Hollywood starlets.

 

It was bad enough that they couldn't (or didn't try) to find at least one person of color to include in their annual "New Hollywood" spread in the March issue. They've been taking a little heat for this ridiculous oversight.  What about Gabourey Sidibe from "Precious" and Zoe Saldana? Even as an Avatar, she was still in one of the highest grossing movies of the year.

 

I could have stomached the photo spread, I'm pretty much used to African Americans being excluded from mainstream Hollywood. But they really went too far with the descriptive language in the accompanying story with each waiflike actress getting her respective props for "downy-soft cheeks," a

"button nose," "patrician looks and celebrated pedigree," "dewy, wide-eyed loveliness," or "Ivory-soap-girl features." Ivory soap-girl features???

 

But is this Vanity Fair's journalistic failure and bad PR problem (hitting the stands during Black History Month no less. The horror!!) or just an accurate depiction of hot Hollywood these days?

 

 

Either way, as a mom raising a daughter, it sends dangerous messaging to all girls in general and African American girls, in particular. We’ve often criticized the beauty industry for their unrealistic images of Barbie-like girls and women. We’ve told young girls they are beautiful as they are in all shapes, sizes, skin tones and features (ivory soap or not), but then stories like these show the reality of the world all of our girls are growing up in. And what a challenge we have as moms to counteract these influences to raise confident, self-assured girls who love their bodies.

 

 

Quite frankly, I'm no fan of Hollywood lately, anyway. And if Sandra Bullock wins an Oscar for The Blind Side, I will be on a very long personal boycott of the award show. I mean, yet another movie about a (albeit well intentioned) white woman saving a large, menacing in appearance, from the hood with nobody else, black person. This blog isn't long enough for me to list the stereotypes in that Hollywood gem (Or in movies like Dangerous minds, Freedom Writers, The Soloist). And this is Oscar-worthy movie making??

Puh-leeze.

 

 

Attention Hollywood: there a thousands of equally inspirational stories of African Americans saving themselves (gasp!) or white people too (double

gasp!) , but those don't get told because they don't fit into your stereotype of who we are.

 

 

But I digress. Slightly.

 

 

My point is Vanity Fair has a problem and Hollywood has an even bigger problem.  When a major media outlet ignores its responsibility to represent all its readers and its messaging to the young girls who aspire to be in Vanity Fair (or Hollywood), that's just irresponsible journalism.  Read: only "button noses" and ivory-soap girls need apply.

 

Hollywood on the other hand has a more deeply rooted issue that concerns me as mom. For years extremely talented black female actresses like Halle Berry, Regina King, Jada Pinkett Smith, Kerry Washington, Sanaa Lathan, Kimberly Elise, Nicole Ari Parker, Lynn Whitfield, Lela Rochon  (I could do this for three more pages…) have lamented the dearth of quality movie roles (no crackheads please) available to black actresses. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston (no disrespect, I'm a huge fan Rachel)has played the same exact character 50 million times with no end in sight.

 

 

Thankfully, my own little black girl has not mentioned any dreams of a Hollywood career because, even in this “Yes We Can” era, I’d feel some parenting compulsion to say, “probably not, sweetie.” I wish I didn’t feel that way. But this very “fair” article only confirms my fears.

 

 

Unfortunately for us all, Vanity Fair did a great job of highlighting the inconvenient truth of exactly how Hollywood is. New or old.

 

 

 

 

I wanted to blog often from the Bahamas. Promise. But I was having too much fun!

The JetAdventure media trip to the new Atlantis Kids Adventures was simply marvelous! It was sponsored by JetBlue, Atlantis and Lego. Obviously, the resort is beyond gorgeous. The kids and I had so much fun at the water park, I broke all of my hair rules.  We kissed a dolphin, fed a dolphin and the kids played catch with the dolphin. Not to mention, our time at the Pottery Studio, creating our Atlantis pals (their version of Build-A-Bear) and building our remote control cars for driving on the Atlantis Speedway (Michael's favorite).   

Then at the red carpet opening day, after a kids' junkanoo band paraded us through the resort and Frankie "The Bonus" Jonas brother cut the ribbon, Kayla was interviewed by the gorgeous Candi, from the Bahamas Weekly show and appeared on television that night.

I could go on an on about what fun we had, but I'll let the pictures do the talking. (p.s. I pretty much stink at uploading lots of pics here so please forgive the doubles or triples!) If you can plan your dream family vacation, Atlantis has got to be on the list and I hear August is a good time to get great rates. Kayla and Michael are already saving their pennies for another visit. One caveat: the kids'club is not included in your inclusive package and depending on how many kids you have, getting some alone time may get costly.They are running a 4th night free and free companion airfare promotion  http://www.atlantis.com/specials.aspx that may be worth checking out.

Until then, I'll be basking in my fond, warm memories while the snow falls. Sigh!

 

[caption id="attachment_167" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Kayla strikes a pose, while Michael plays Lego in front of the Atlantis\' infamous marine tank"][/caption][caption id="attachment_165" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The view from our room. Now that\'s a GOOD morning. "][/caption][caption id="attachment_169" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Frankie \"the Bonus Jonas\" intros opening day festivities"][/caption]