Just when I think I've got this single parenting thing down, I recently realized I have a serious bout of "single parent travel-aphobia." Of course, I just made that up. But the point is, I've been avoiding  some mini-vacations and weekend getaways because of my fear of managing two children all on my lonesome.

I mean, I can do cruises, amusements parks and any resort with a kids club (and a bar!), but weekend getaways give me anxiety. And when you've got a visitation schedule to fit into, weekends matter. Here's my dilemma:

For example, over the summer, the kids were all geeked up for our annual weekend stayover at Sesame Place. In the past, I've had a girlfriend come along with us. But this year, between one engaged friend and another one all "booed" up  with a new man, I couldn't find anyone to go with us on any of my free weekends. The thought of managing the water slides (Kayla's and Michael's favorite) or that roller coaster on my own was scary. Kayla is too chicken to ride alone or with Michael. And Michael is fearless but too young to ride those slides by himself. Nor can I leave one standing at the top of the line until I come back. All I could see was Kayla tipping over in an inner tube at the bottom while I'm holding on to Michael. Oh lawd!  

What to do? What to do? I deliberated so much, we never went.

Lately, they've been asking to go to Great Wolf Lodge. Has anyone been? It is an indoor water park with a few locations. I would just love to take the kids there over the break but I'm back to my issue: how do I manage two kids and water slides when I'm just one person.

Oh and before you ask about other people, let me say that we used to travel with another couple with kids around the same age which gave Kayla some company and took some pressure off. But as you can imagine, I don't get any overnight trip invitations from the married couples anymore now that I'm in the single and manless category.

I'm working on my single mother circle, but right now it doesn't include any moms with children around the same ages as mine. Plus, you know you just can't travel with anybody. Or their kids!

Anyone have any ideas? Am I being too para?

Should I make Kayla man up and just get on every ride with her brother?

If anyone has tips for managing two when you're only one, then please send them my way. Quick. School is out!

In motherhood,

Kimberly

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I had such a good laugh!! All the stories were great but I think we can all agree Samecia-Muriel must be the winner just for having the chutzpah to share the diaper as maxi-pad story–a new classic! LOL!
Congrats Samecia!

Today, I’m shouting out all the moms of infants and small toddlers. Much repsect to all of you! And I'm giving away a Free Arm & Hammer Diaper Pail by Munchkin with a patented odor control system (see details below).

Even though I’m coming up on ten years in the mommy game (I know, I look too young, right?? Um, I said, RIGHT???) I was recently reminded how tough it is taking care of infants and small tots, how much I had actually forgotten and why the above mentioned giveaway, may surely come in handy.  

It went a little something like this:

A few weeks ago I happily agreed to watch my girlfriend's one year old son for about two days so she could take a work trip.

"I got this", I thought. Auntie Kim is on it! After all, it was only four years ago that I had a one year old.  I figured getting back into the baby mode would be like riding a bike. It was more like getting hit by a bus!

Apparently four years is more than enough time to fall off your mommy game. It’s amazing how quickly we can forget the work, the juggling (literally), the organization, the patience, the lack of sleep and all the "stuff"  that baby's actually require. And the cute little guy just started walking, but my house hasn't been babyproofed for some time. Because every phase of childhood brings its own stresses, I had nearly forgotten about this phase.

I didn't even mention that my girlfriend still breastfeeds him (Whoo Hoo!), so putting him to bed was going to require some serious creativity and a lot of patience. I haven’t rocked, walked, bounced and sang that much in years!

And I won’t mention the one exploding diaper incident.

Truth be told, on one of the days, I had a little help. My girlfriend from London was in town—and although childless, she is a highly capable Auntie to even my own kids. As two educated, savvy women we set out to run errands and take care of some business with my two kids and the baby in tow.

This was my moment to shine. I felt like I was back in the zone. I dutifully packed the diaper bag, refilling his water cup, adding snacks and checking for diapers and wipes. Meanwhile, my girlfriend got my children out the door and into the car. Everybody was car seated, belted, buckled and ready to go.

We pulled out the driveway proudly, slapping high fives at our teamwork!

We were halfway to our destination before I realized I left the superbly packed diaper bag in the house!

So there we were out for a long day with a one year old, with no diapers, no wipes, no toys, no snacks, no nothing! Oy!

Watching (and laughing at) my own mommy blunders reminded me how tough parenting can be in the early years. Now I remember why we rejoice at the end of our diaper days, the end of our dependence on wipes, butt creams, changing pads and more baby gear than one human being can manage. I am very happy to be past those years.    

But for those who aren’t, I’m giving away one FREE fresh from the factory, Arm & Hammer Diaper Pail by Munchkin and a 10-pack box of Diaper Pail bag refills today. It comes fully assembled, can be used with just one hand and has a self-sealing system. Just leave a comment below with your favorite mommy or daddy blunder moment and the best one at the end of the day wins.

On the other hand, there’s a specialness of those early years that can never be duplicated. I miss the amazing bond and comfort I enjoyed while breastfeeding—I could totally understand why that little man did not want to go to sleep without it.

But when he did finally doze off, and I watched him sleeping peacefully, I was reminded of the calm that only a baby can bring over you. The joy of motherhood. I saw my own son, little Michael, just four years ago, when I used to stare in wonderment as he slept. I saw this baby as a future strong black man, and myself as part of his "village" that will help mold and shape him. (His mom is certainly part of the village that raises my children)

I saw everything that is beautiful about babies.

Hope.

Promise. 

And endless possibilities. 

When I told my girlfriend, the first thing she said was, "Gurrlll, you should know to close the windows and put the TV or radio on."

What?? Obviously there are rules to spanking your kids when you live in the white suburbs. But I never got the memo.

Why didn't any of y'all tell me? I thought we were cool like that.

I, unfortunately, had to learn the hard way.

A little while ago I had to give one of my children who shall remain a nameless nine-year old diva a spanking for the very first time. I've never had to spank my kids before, though I didn't rule it out my parenting playbook. The Bible says spare the rod, spoil the child, and I never thought myself to be wiser than Him.

And since its just us, y'all know we got real beatings. At least I did. You know that run-around-the-dining-room-table-three-time-and-when-they-catch-you-its-on-kind of beating. Not the highly sanitized spanking I planned for my child.

I will say this about my mom and dad–they would beat you with love.

They'd sit you down and explain why you were going to get it, how much it hurt them more than it hurt you and then one of them would give it to you. Afterward, my mom would hug you, tell you that she loved you and leave you there to whimper and sniff yourself to sleep.

It was discipline with love, not child abuse, like its been warped today.

A few years ago when Jamie Foxx, while accepting a groundbreaking Oscar, thanked him grandmother for beating him and keeping him straight, white folks went crazy. But Black people completely understood. We know how our mamas, grandmamas, and aunties beat us with love for actin' up(often with a switch we had to pick)–and then sent us outside to walk it off!

Anywho, this little person (very, very surprisingly, I must add) did something that really crossed the line. And I really needed her to get the point that this was beyond unacceptable.

I did exactly as my mother had done, lovingly explaining to the child while holding her in my arms why she about to get it.

I took a deep breath.

I didn't think I could actually do it, but now I had to keep my word, at least for one lick.

My daughter, being a tween dramatic expert, started screaming as if she was

getting a real beating, like I used to get. (I mean, it was a flimsy designer belt no less, not the 10-inch thick, leather men's belt, my dad would unleash)   The noise began well before contact was ever even made. Even then, I only gave her one spank.

I know, right.

It never dawned on me that the bedroom window was open. ( You are probably shaking your head already because you know where this story is going) 

Apparently, a neighbor heard her Oscar-worthy performance. Oy vay! And not even a real neighbor, but the not too respectable live-in boyfriend of my actual neighbor (you know the kind that is never seen without a beer in hand, and spent the summer blasting Kid Rock's 'Sweet Home Alabama' out the pickup truck–Btw, is that their "Whoop There It Is"???) Apparently, he told another neighbor that I beat my kids and he was watching me.

 WTH?

Thankfully everyone on my block sees me bike riding with my kids, skateboarding with my kids, pulling them in a wagon for nightly summertime strolls, and otherwise actively engaged with my children and knew not to pay the beer guy any mind. But it really bothered me! And I was really concerned.

And then I thought, why are we in hiding for properly disciplining our children? Yes, we know of the extremes. We even know of our extremes (somebody you know got it with the extension cord at least once!) But why do we have to hide beating our kids with love??

At the end of the day, most of us got beat at least once or twice, and we turned out respectful of all authority figures, hard working and knew we had to get up real early to get over on our moms and dads. And when I wanted to act a fool, the fear of my Daddy's belt was a powerful keep-Kim-straight tool.

I think there's something to be said for that. I also understand that we as modern parents are trying to blend a little of our parents' old school disciplinarian style with new fangled parenting ideas on open communication, personal expression and even a little negotiation.

We are a new generation of Black parents in unchartered territory.

But I don't want to be ashamed of the good stuff that helped us become who we are.  So I'm coming out of the closet with the old-fashioned beating with love. 

I'm telling the world that I don't expect to go there again anytime soon, but I'm not ruling it out as a last resort or if that punishment fits the crime.

But I will be sure to close the window and pump up Sweet Home Alabama.

In motherhood

Kimberly

I spent last Thursday at Liz Claiborne's NYC showroom talking about domestic violence. And I couldn't help but feel a bit emotionally spent. Heavy stuff.

I was invited to Liz Claiborne's "It's Time to Talk Day" –a national day of dialogue on domestic violence and teen dating abuse, where leading voices come together for a day of radio and blogging about a topic that just doesn't get enough talk time.

Of course, my mind was on our community. Our issues.

Enter activist and philanthropist Malaak Compton Rock. The wife of my favorite comedian, Chris Rock, Malaak takes service very seriously. You probably saw Malaak's phenomenal "Journey for Change" youth empowerment program with teens from Bushwick, Brooklyn, featured on CNN's Black in America 2.

Malaak and I had a candid conversation about domestic violence in the Black community. Here's a snippet from our chat:

Kimberly: How is domestic violence different for us?

Malaak: "The silence is killing us. I think the white community has done a good job showing that domestic violence is not a poor woman's problem. They have changed the face of domestic violence to show that educated, career women suffer as well. We haven't. "

Kimberly: I think that if you are "successful" and you have that positive black family image going on, its even more pressure to keep up that appearance and not break up another black family.

Malaak: You're right. There's a lot of fear of breaking up the family, and we need more affluent women to come out of the closet. There is a fear that I'm alone. We have to take the stigma out of the issue and add more faces and voices to that pain. I think it needs to start in Black magazines and even websites like yours.

Kimberly: What can our men do?

Malaak: "I will tell you this, my husband is very aware of how he treats me because he knows our two daughters are learning how to be treated by a man by his dealings with me. It all starts in the home. Fathers need to be involved with their daughters, teaching them what they deserve and should expect in any future relationship."

Kimberly: That's powerful.

Malaak: "I know this, women who are strong, confident and secure in who they are, were raised by fathers who instilled that into them. "

As a mother of a little black girl and little black boy, I feel on both sides of the issue. But one thing seems

certain. Of all the things we can give our children, giving them a strong sense of self seems like our most important task.

In motherhood,

Kimberly