People always ask me to write more about the stuff I love and things I use. But I've always seen myself as an "issues" kind of girl. But then I said, hey, it's 2010 and I'm breaking out of all my boxes! So here goes:

But I need to start with a confession: I am not a make-up person. Eyeliner, mascara and my favorite MAC lip glass is pretty much all you will get out of me most days. But the more I keep driling into my head that "I am my brand" and that I have to always represent the brand, I try to always step out of my house properly representing my Mocha Manual brand. Morning bus stop runs not included.

Enter my homegirl, Andrea Fairweather. I first met Andrea while scouring the country for subjects for my second book, The Mocha Manual to Turning Your Passion into Profit. A mutual friend said she was a perfect fit. And she was. In the book, Andrea talks about her love of nail polish and art and how she was the go-to person in high school if you wanted your boyfriend's name perfectly painted onto your fingernails and how she earned money through college doing hair and make up on campus, but never thought her love could be her life. 

Today she has a hot roster of celebrity clientele (you'll have to read the book for more on her journey) for her make up services and her experience includes working for Disney for High School Musical and the Cheetah Girls to the set of Law & Order to her client Jacque Reid (shout out to Jacque!! Jacque held it down on this season's Let's Talk About Pep).

Andrea's nationwide traveling company, Fairweather Faces, brings make-up, hair, nails and massage by licensed technicians directly to YOU, wherever you are.

And her new line of must-have, travel-size professional make up brushes debuted on the Rachel Ray show–you go girl!!  

So when I have a make-up dilemma–which is pretty much all the time, I go to Andrea. And the one thing she told me is that make-up is all about the brushes. Getting that even application, having the right tool for the right technique makes it so much easier, especially for sisters like me!! 

 When I do actually use make up, fer real fer real, I'm typically traveling to a speaking engagement, book signing or potential client meeting and need to land ready to go!  Or get face ready quickly in an airport bathroom. The four brushes in the set cover everything.

 

There's also a 3-brush mini-set. The color coded system on the 3 mini brushes (love the rhinestone BLING!) and her face charts are so amazing to help you know where to put what, and come free with any brush set purchase. The mini-set with face chart is also a great starter set for teens!

 

 

The other thing I love about the travel and mini brushes is that they are definitely clutch size. As a sister who's been trying to go out more and get her groove back lately (email me privately for the juicy details. the blog is being watched) I love that I don't have to compromise quality for a brush that fits into even the cutest of my night-on-the-town bags.

This small size also comes in handy on the rest of my weekend when my mommy bag is full of Thomas Trains, Kayla's books and spare clothes.

 

To make me even happier, Andrea is giving a $5 discount on the make up Pro Set to all the Mocha Manual mamas from now until Monday. Just use Discount Code MM310 at checkout. Hurry!!

 Even as moms, we need our fabulousness.  And a little help!

My daughter is wonderful. But the closer she gets to her upcoming 10^th birthday, the more I’ve been noticing a little bit of attitude slipping out of her mouth every now and then. In fact, there have been a few “Oh know you didn’t” moments when I had to catch myself from losing it.  I thought if I gave that look or said those words to my mother, I’d be putting an ice pack somewhere right about now.

But of course, as a very modern mom, I’m always looking for new ways to communicate and connect with my daughter, even when my old school reflexes kick in. That’s why I was so interested in a new book by Dr. Charles Sophy that proposes a revolutionary plan to break the cycle of fighting and negative communication between mothers and daughters.

I guess the shrink industry will have to find another cash cow if mothers and daughters resolve all their issues.

Sophy says the problem starts with stuff like too much emotionality, too much estrogen, unspoken competition, and the non-verbal communication like eye rolling that really kills it between mom and daughter.  

The book is called Side by Side, The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-Free Communication (HarperOne). Dr. Sophy, a well-known clinical psychiatrist who has treated all sorts of young people from young Hollywood celebrities to foster children in the Los Angeles County child welfare system, has seen a lot of family dynamics—mostly broken ones, and has some pretty cool insights on fixing what’s not working between mothers and daughters.

So I called Dr. Sophy and interviewed him about this so-called "revolutionary" approach. And he some pretty keen insights on Black moms too, having worked with a lot of African Americans over the years.

What I love most about Dr. Sophy’s approach is that it is totally mom-driven, and gives power back to the parents to resolve even the most heated argument about outfits, boys, curfews, hairstyles or body piercing. The approach is called Side by Side (not be confused with the good ole’ UPside the head method), a technique he explains in his new book.

And while most moms are thinking, “What’s wrong with my daughter?”, Sophy says the problem-solving begins squarely with moms and doing, what he calls, “up-front work.” 

 “Parenting begins with you,” Sophy said to me in our recent interview. “You have to be a solid mom to raise a solid child. Moms, you have to unhook yourself first,” he says. To help, Sophy outlines a balancing tool called S.W.E.E.P. that looks at five key areas of your life as a mom.  Sleep. Work. Eating. Emotional Expression of Self. Play.  Sophy says a balanced S.W.E.E.P. makes the difference between an emotionally and physically stable mom and a walking disaster.

And buckle up!, the up-front work also includes delving into your own relationship with your mother and looking for regrets, disappointments and any unmet needs that are probably negatively playing out in your interactions with your daughter. Oh. Yes. He. Did.  

We even talked about how black women have notoriously "raised their daughters and loved their sons," and that we are often tough on our girls because we know what their plight may be. We know the state of the world. The state of the career scene. The state of our black men. So we have to make sure they are strong, confident, hard-working and prepared. After all, isn't that our job? Wouldn't it be irresponsible parenting if we did anything less?

Dr. Sophy said Black moms have to learn to communicate and impart those important lessons without dumping all of our "issues" in the space. If we don't, we're just creating undue pressure and resentment in our girls that could be more damaging than helpful.

After he gets moms on the right footing,  Sophy introduces a tool he calls The Chair Strategy, an easy to use approach to communication that reduces the emotions of any argument and allows moms to guide any conversation to a place of love and respect. Oh sure, until you get the rolling eyes and the screeching, “You’re ruining my life!” followed by a stomp-away and door slam!!

Sophy says mothers and daughters are usually operating in one of three chair-like positions:

Back-to-Back: this one ain’t good. In this position mother and daughter are at odds, with no chance of seeing eye-to-eye and making a real connection.

Face-to-Face: when mom and daughter are openly discussing an issue honestly and with respect whether they agree or not. This is ideal for working out difficulties, but because it is so intense, it is hard to keep it going for a long time.

Side-by-Side: Ahhh! Where mother and daughter are supportive of each other, looking in the same direction and sharing the same perspective. This is the ideal position for everyday communication.

And Sophy says it’s mom’s role to take charge and move those chairs around, get them in the right position. I’m still reading the book, and I’m already seeing my own boos boos. For example, the next time my baby girl comes home with three wrong on the spelling test, I’ll definitely praise the 17 correct answers first. That’s called strength-based speaking, for the uninitiated.

I’ve got plenty to learn. Please share your tips and suggestions for communicating with your daughter.

In the meantime, having a better relationship with my daughter is definitely worth reading 243 pages, so I’m all up and through this book.  

I’ll keep you posted.

Recently, I was inspired to create a list. 

A list of powerful and moving moments, defining moments, times at which we all moved forward together. Moments that define, inspire and connect all of us as black mothers. Or maybe we just shared a laugh. Either way, please add to the list, and let's keep the great moments coming…

 # 13 Our Jackie O’: Coretta Scott King

I’ll never forget the classic picture of Coretta Scott King, sitting proudly at the funeral of her husband, Dr. Martin Luther King, with young Beatrice in her lap and a regal veil on her head. On that day and throughout her life, she epitomized the maternal strength and grace of a black mother that we should all aspire to.

 

# 12  Black Mama Muscle

Our momprenuer maven, Cathy Hughes showed real moxie going after her dreams. Hughes became a mom at 16 and was a college drop-out, but her son Alfred was her inspiration. Later, Hughes and her husband purchased one radio station in 1979, but soon after that her marriage ended, putting Cathy on the single mother path. At one point, Cathy lost her home and she and her son had to move into the station to make ends meet. But she was determined to build her vision. Today, Radio One,   run by Cathy and her son,  owns 65 radio stations throughout every major market in the country, making the company the largest black-owned radio chain in the nation and the first woman-owned radio station to rank #1 in any major market. After dominating radio, Hughes launched TV One, a cable television channel targeted at the African American community in 2004. All I can say is, you go girl!

 

 #11 Sing it!

In 1973, The Intruders’ popular song, I’ll Always Love My Mama becomes a national hit and ode to mamas everywhere. It later becomes the must-have song at every Black wedding when the groom dances with his mother.

 

#10 Brown Girl Rocks!

1972 Josie and the Pussycats features Valerie, the first African American female cast member in a regular Saturday morning cartoon. Black moms celebrate us starting to see images of ourselves and our little girls in the mainstream.

(FYI, before the cartoon went live, the original music producers went about creating a girls rock group that would actually sing the songs and record an album. True to the comic book, they found one Black member (Patrice Holloway) to play Valerie. When the music producers presented the newly formed band to the famed Hanna-Barbera powerhouse to finalize the production deal, Hanna-Barbera said they wanted to recast Patrice Holloway, because they had decided to portray "Josie and the Pussycats" as an all-white trio and had altered Valerie, who was black in the comic book, to make her white.  The producer, Danny Janssen, refused to recast Holloway and threatened to walk away from the project. After a three-week-long stand-off between Janssen and Hanna-Barbera, Hanna-Barbera finally relented and allowed Janssen to keep Holloway, and changed Valerie back to being African-American.)

#9 Black Mom Power!

Mocha Moms Inc, was formed in 1997 by a group of moms in Prince George’s County, MD, as a national, non-profit organization that supports women of color who consider themselves at-home mothers. This represented a real shift in our typical role as out of the home workers and showed how black families were evolving, climbing economic scale and having options that weren’t available before. Today there are over 100 chapters across the country.

 

#8 Meaningful Media

The Kellogg Foundation funds The Black Maternal Health Project  of Women’s eNews, a series of groundbreaking articles examining the health issues and social stressors that negatively impact black women’s health and reproductive outcomes.

 

#7 Natural Products Just for Us…And Our Kids!

After years of developing a cult following for her hand-made, all-natural bath and body products, Lisa Price founder of Carol’s Daughter  opens her first boutique in Fort Greene, Brooklyn in 1999 chock full of shea butters and other natural ingredients for our dry skin and misunderstood hair.  In 2005, with the help of Steve Stoute and celebrity investors like Will & Jada Pinkett Smith and Mary J. Blige, Lisa Price goes national and gives black moms everywhere great natural products for our hair and for our kids. Lisa’s popular “Hair Milk” kept my son’s curly afro looking great for years!

#6 Our Sex in the City

You Gotta Have Girlfriends: If you didn’t have you own set of girls, In 2000 Girlfriends debuted on television introducing us to Joan, Toni, Lynn and Maya as a black female posse of smart, beautiful and sexy women. The show, centered around their friendship living and working in LA, gave modern day black women relatable characters, good laughs and a weekly lens on singlehood, sisterhood, motherhood and everything in between. The show becomes one of the highest rated scripted shows among black women aged 18-34 before it was cancelled (booo!!) in 2008. Still there are a thousand Facebook apps for “Which Girlfriend Are You?” and I’ll never forget the episode where “Maya” contemplates adoption and says, “let’s get down there before Brad and Angelina snatch up all the good black babies.” Too funny.

 

#5  Our TV Mom Model

In  1980 Clair Huxtable, played by Phylicia Rashad, shows the world that we are professional, sexy, happily married (and even adored by our husbands) and still command real mama power. Bill Cosby did his part, giving Dads the don’t-make-me-say-it-twice catchphrase that would be heard by black kids for generations to come, when he famously said to son, Theo, “I bought you in this world. And I’ll take you out!”

 

#4 Saving Our Babies

In 1994, the “Back to Sleep” Campaign is launched to reduce the number of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), a preventable death that disproportionately affects African American babies.  As a result of this campaign, SIDS deaths have been dramatically reduced.  

 

#3 For Mama, With Love

In  2005 Jamie Foxx, chokes back tears, remembering his grandmother Marie and her tough love—“whuppings” and all, that he credits with making him who he is today. At that moment, millions of black people thought about the moms, the Big Mamas, the Aunties and other relatives who, too,  taught them to “act like you have some sense,” gave them a “whuppping” with love and helped them become who they are today.

 

#2 Our Due Props

Barack Obama calls Michelle “the rock” of the family, telling the world about the role of Black mothers in our families and our communities, that we’ve known for a long time.

 

#1 To the White House

My number one Black Mom moment is without a doubt, Michelle Obama as First Lady and Mom-in-Chief. Who knew, that the coolest mom to ever grace the White House would be a black mom? And, one who brought her own black mom with her, by the way. Gotta love it!

 

What would you add to the list?

I appreciate the sentiment and all, but I have to tell you, as a Black mom, I'm really starting to get a little frustrated with Black History Month.

 

 In fact, I've grown to hate Black History Month because inevitably one of my children will come home with an absolutely incorrect fact from a well-meaning but not too thoroughly prepared teacher.  

 

For example, one year Kayla came home after seeing the Black History Month play at her mostly white private school. I asked her what she learned from the play. Her response, “that slaves stole things and they didn’t know how to read or write.” HUH??? Was this the teachable moment the school was going for?

 

My correction: Slaves were not allowed to read or write. They would be killed for that. There’s a big difference.

 

Another year it was yet another assignment to write about slavery or how Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. Needless to say, we did something else. 

 

Attention teachers, principals, and all educators in any teaching role imaginable: Black history is more than just slavery. If you are going to teach black history, please don’t just talk about the parts that you feel most guilty about, the parts that come readily to mind or the parts that you were taught in school decades ago.

 

And it wouldn't hurt to try something new.  

 

Now I fully understand that Black History Month was instituted in February because it was the birth month of Abraham Lincoln, who freed the slaves and Frederick Douglass, a leading abolitionist who helped slaves escape via the “underground railroad.”  

 

However, there are a host of other periods to discuss during Black history Month, like the Civil War, Reconstruction or the amazingly powerful Harlem Renaissance.

 

Think of people like Madame C.J. Walker, the first black millionaire. Or Thurgood Marshall, the first African American on the Supreme Court. Or Ralph Bunche, the first African American to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Or the time when Harlem became the hotbed of black intellectualism, art, music and culture.

 

Better yet, take a look at our rich African heritage. Any good encyclopedia (remember those?) will tell you that the historical roots of black slaves in the United States can be traced back to the ancient kingdoms of Mali, Ghana, and Saonghai in central and west Africa. These kingdoms were rich in art, literature, and music. This historical reality was purposefully suppressed to support the proslavery moral position that needed to convince the world that blacks were less than human. This is a truth that must be taught.

 

Please do not make more work for me by having to correct your historic wrongs. I’ve spent years and earned multiple degrees studying your history, so please take a few moments to get black history correct. Quite frankly, I have enough to do.

 

I should not have to send my children to the Benjamin Banneker-Malcolm X-Betty Shabazz-Booker T. Washington School for them to get an accurate black history month experience. I won’t even begin to expound on why African American history isn’t taught more all year round.

I’m hoping that every year more and more teachers will get the point, that our history as Americans is as integral to this country’s history as any other group.

And one year soon, I can scratch “correcting Black History Month errors” off my February to-do list.

Black Motherhood: Celebrating Our History, Redefining Our Experience

 

February is all about reflecting on black history. As mothers, our black history is a tale of painful beginnings followed by triumphant gains.

Major Triumph: Michelle Obama becomes First Lady of the United States. She epitomizes everything modern black motherhood is about, career success, loving partnership, and commitment to being the mom-in-chief of your own family command center.

But getting to Michelle Obama has been a long and often troubling journey. The black motherhood experience in this country had a distressing start with lingering effects that still hover overhead today. First, let’s go back. As enslaved black mothers we were viewed as breeders not humans and we had no control over our experience in motherhood or our children. As slaves, our children were ripped from our bosoms and sold as we stood helpless in despair.

Our experience as black mothers was always laced with pain.

We didn't get a break during pregnancy either.

"Labor of Love, Labor of Sorrow: Black Women, Work and the Family from Slavery to Present by Jacqueline Jones, details how pregnant slaves were forced to lie face down in a specially dug impression in the ground when they were whipped. Perhaps in the demented mind of the slave owner, he was simultaneously protecting his economic investment in the fetus while still punishing the mother.

But we always wanted more for our children.  And even as freed-men and -women, it was also clear that we saw the role of mother as tantamount to preserving our families, our communities and to the progression of the black race.  Contrary to popular belief, we have a history of being thoughtful and resourceful about our duty and power as mothers.

Witness this excerpt from a speech by Frances Ellen Watkins Harper, a 19th century African American abolitionist, teacher, women’s rights advocate, writer and poet. She spoke these words on November 15, 1892 in a speech called Enlightened Motherhood, an address to the Brooklyn Literary Society.

“The work of the mothers of our race is grandly constructive. It is for us to build above the wreck and ruin of the past more stately temples of thought and action. Some races have been overthrown, dashed in pieces, and destroyed; but today the world is needing, fainting, for something better than the results of arrogance, aggressiveness, and indomitable power. We need mothers who are capable of being character builders, patient, loving, strong, and true, whose homes will be uplifting power in the race. This is one of the greatest needs of the hour."

Pretty powerful stuff.

In 1902, the book Twentieth Century Negro Literature, included an essay on the responsibilities

of educated black women on the black race written by Sarah Dudley Petty, a writer, teacher and preacher’s wife.  What were her thoughts on black motherhood?

“A faithful, virtuous and intelligent motherhood will elevate any people…True patriotism, obedience and respect for law, both divine and civil, the love and yearning for the pure, the sublime and the good, all emanate from mother's personality… . I would urge then, as the first prerequisite for our work, a pure, pious and devoted motherhood.”

Years later, our quest to define motherhood moved to the television screen. When I was growing up in the late 1970s and 1980s we looked to successful women like Clair Huxtable on the Cosby Show and Vivian Banks on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air for a glimpse into what black motherhood looked like. Every Thursday night on television, Clair Huxtable, Esq, showed a generation of future lawyers, doctors and accountants that upwardly mobile black women could indeed have it all. We could raise five kids without a nanny, take care of a house, maintain a high-powered career, be adored by our husband and still look glamorous and sexy. Whether having it all is truly possible for any woman (white, black or green) is still debatable, but this was new territory for black women. For decades, this was something that only seemed possible for white women.

This black history month, I’m asking all black mothers to remember our history as women who carried our families and communities. Mothers who didn’t listen when the world said we were thoughtless breeders and our children were mere commodities to be bought or sold. In more recent history black mothers have been publicly shamed as crack mothers, welfare queens, and the face of “baby mama drama.” Black single motherhood is blamed for all sorts of social ills from crime to drugs to “wilding” teens. And black mothers are often represented in popular culture as neck-rolling domineering control freaks who run circles around our men. Even the critically acclaimed movie, “Precious” has raised eyebrows for perpetuating ideas of black women as abusive mothers.

But I’m asking you to stay true to what you know: These stereotypes are very far from the truth. In truth, black women today have redefined black history and created a new conversation about our roles as mothers.  For example, when I watched the Brady Bunch and Happy Days and reruns of Leave It To Beaver, the subtle messaging was that being a stay at home mom and catering to your child’s every need was a white woman’s pleasure. Black women have always worked—as slaves, as cleaners, as teachers, as doctors, as lawyers. Even our TV mamas  (Clair Huxtable included) always worked. 

Today more and more black women are stay at home moms (myself included), we have robust national organizations like Mocha Moms to support women who are making motherhood their career (even if just for a few years or so). 

This shift in our motherhood experience may seem subtle, but in the framework of our history, it is groundbreaking. And thrilling. It not only speaks to how far we have come as a people, but how far we have come as black mothers, who went from having no control over our children to taking control of our children, our lives, and our families’ financial future.  We now have varied and different motherhood experiences yet we still know we are doing extremely important work that goes well beyond our home.

As the naiton celebrates our history this month, take a moment to reflect and celebrate your history as a black mother. Join me in celebrating you!

 

 

I really couldn't believe the recent spread in Vanity Fair heralding the next generation of Hollywood starlets.

 

It was bad enough that they couldn't (or didn't try) to find at least one person of color to include in their annual "New Hollywood" spread in the March issue. They've been taking a little heat for this ridiculous oversight.  What about Gabourey Sidibe from "Precious" and Zoe Saldana? Even as an Avatar, she was still in one of the highest grossing movies of the year.

 

I could have stomached the photo spread, I'm pretty much used to African Americans being excluded from mainstream Hollywood. But they really went too far with the descriptive language in the accompanying story with each waiflike actress getting her respective props for "downy-soft cheeks," a

"button nose," "patrician looks and celebrated pedigree," "dewy, wide-eyed loveliness," or "Ivory-soap-girl features." Ivory soap-girl features???

 

But is this Vanity Fair's journalistic failure and bad PR problem (hitting the stands during Black History Month no less. The horror!!) or just an accurate depiction of hot Hollywood these days?

 

 

Either way, as a mom raising a daughter, it sends dangerous messaging to all girls in general and African American girls, in particular. We’ve often criticized the beauty industry for their unrealistic images of Barbie-like girls and women. We’ve told young girls they are beautiful as they are in all shapes, sizes, skin tones and features (ivory soap or not), but then stories like these show the reality of the world all of our girls are growing up in. And what a challenge we have as moms to counteract these influences to raise confident, self-assured girls who love their bodies.

 

 

Quite frankly, I'm no fan of Hollywood lately, anyway. And if Sandra Bullock wins an Oscar for The Blind Side, I will be on a very long personal boycott of the award show. I mean, yet another movie about a (albeit well intentioned) white woman saving a large, menacing in appearance, from the hood with nobody else, black person. This blog isn't long enough for me to list the stereotypes in that Hollywood gem (Or in movies like Dangerous minds, Freedom Writers, The Soloist). And this is Oscar-worthy movie making??

Puh-leeze.

 

 

Attention Hollywood: there a thousands of equally inspirational stories of African Americans saving themselves (gasp!) or white people too (double

gasp!) , but those don't get told because they don't fit into your stereotype of who we are.

 

 

But I digress. Slightly.

 

 

My point is Vanity Fair has a problem and Hollywood has an even bigger problem.  When a major media outlet ignores its responsibility to represent all its readers and its messaging to the young girls who aspire to be in Vanity Fair (or Hollywood), that's just irresponsible journalism.  Read: only "button noses" and ivory-soap girls need apply.

 

Hollywood on the other hand has a more deeply rooted issue that concerns me as mom. For years extremely talented black female actresses like Halle Berry, Regina King, Jada Pinkett Smith, Kerry Washington, Sanaa Lathan, Kimberly Elise, Nicole Ari Parker, Lynn Whitfield, Lela Rochon  (I could do this for three more pages…) have lamented the dearth of quality movie roles (no crackheads please) available to black actresses. Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston (no disrespect, I'm a huge fan Rachel)has played the same exact character 50 million times with no end in sight.

 

 

Thankfully, my own little black girl has not mentioned any dreams of a Hollywood career because, even in this “Yes We Can” era, I’d feel some parenting compulsion to say, “probably not, sweetie.” I wish I didn’t feel that way. But this very “fair” article only confirms my fears.

 

 

Unfortunately for us all, Vanity Fair did a great job of highlighting the inconvenient truth of exactly how Hollywood is. New or old.

 

 

 

 

I wanted to blog often from the Bahamas. Promise. But I was having too much fun!

The JetAdventure media trip to the new Atlantis Kids Adventures was simply marvelous! It was sponsored by JetBlue, Atlantis and Lego. Obviously, the resort is beyond gorgeous. The kids and I had so much fun at the water park, I broke all of my hair rules.  We kissed a dolphin, fed a dolphin and the kids played catch with the dolphin. Not to mention, our time at the Pottery Studio, creating our Atlantis pals (their version of Build-A-Bear) and building our remote control cars for driving on the Atlantis Speedway (Michael's favorite).   

Then at the red carpet opening day, after a kids' junkanoo band paraded us through the resort and Frankie "The Bonus" Jonas brother cut the ribbon, Kayla was interviewed by the gorgeous Candi, from the Bahamas Weekly show and appeared on television that night.

I could go on an on about what fun we had, but I'll let the pictures do the talking. (p.s. I pretty much stink at uploading lots of pics here so please forgive the doubles or triples!) If you can plan your dream family vacation, Atlantis has got to be on the list and I hear August is a good time to get great rates. Kayla and Michael are already saving their pennies for another visit. One caveat: the kids'club is not included in your inclusive package and depending on how many kids you have, getting some alone time may get costly.They are running a 4th night free and free companion airfare promotion  http://www.atlantis.com/specials.aspx that may be worth checking out.

Until then, I'll be basking in my fond, warm memories while the snow falls. Sigh!

 

[caption id="attachment_167" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Kayla strikes a pose, while Michael plays Lego in front of the Atlantis\' infamous marine tank"][/caption][caption id="attachment_165" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The view from our room. Now that\'s a GOOD morning. "][/caption][caption id="attachment_169" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Frankie \"the Bonus Jonas\" intros opening day festivities"][/caption]

 

 

 

Last night, the children and I said a special prayer. I mean, we pray every night. But last night called for a down on your knees, prostrate yourself down on the floor type of prayer. You know the kind where you know you need to be in the most humblest of positions for what you have to say.

Our prayers were for the people in Haiti. And of profound deep gratitude for our own lot in life.  

I made the mistake of OD-ing on CNN yesterday. And it made me sick.

Anyone else feeling some kind of way?

And the pictures, videos and reports coming in from Haiti, were just  heart-wrenching. The devastation is beyond comprehension. And so is whatever is slowing down the relief efforts. 

I watched CNN medical correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta tend to a 15-day old baby girl with a head laceration. The baby girl’s mother had died. The baby, thankfully, didn’t have a skull fracture, according to Dr. Gupta, but needed antibiotics. There weren’t any around.

I watched a young teenage boy watch helplessly as several men tried to rescue his sister from under a large slab of concrete. Only her feet were visible. But you could hear her yelling out in pain.

I watched men collecting and carrying bodies in a white tarp, and then putting the bodies into a bulldozer scoop. Yes, a bulldozer.  When the bulldozer is full of bodies, it is raised and the bodies are dumped into the nearby dump truck.

How can humans be treated this way?

This is tragedy. But it is also a deadly mix of tragedy and poverty in a country that seems to have had more than its fair share of both.  The recent 7.0 magnitude earthquake that rocked the Haiti’s capital city, Port Au Prince is just the most recent painful development. Last year, it was back to back hurricanes that wreaked havoc on Haiti’s most fertile region. And long before that Haiti’s history has been a history of coups, flawed elections, corrupt governments, various military occupations and high crime.

Though these sad but true facts about Haiti’s mismanagement and poverty receive more media air time, we should know Haiti's true story. Haiti has world-renowned artists and musicians, and a storied history of political defiance.  Haiti is actually the first post-colonial independent black-led nation in the world. Did you know the country was created when former slaves defied Napoleon when he reversed the 1794 emancipation decree of the French Revolution?  The former slaves defeated an army led by Napoleon’s brother-in-law, breaking away from powerful France—the only nation’s whose independence was gained by a successful slave rebellion.  Imagine a country run by black men at a time when slavery ran rampant.

Today, the desperation is beyond belief. Needed supplies and relief are slow to reach the needy. And, once again, we can't stop asking, Why??

There’s so much we don’t really know about Haiti and why it is as it is, but one thing I’m certain of. Haitians are resilient, and strong.  They have a strong sense of pride, family and community. With such an earnest beginning, you can only imagine their strength. We know what Black people from any country are made of.

As a mother, I feel deep compassion for the women who may be searching for their children. For children searching for their parents.  As in so many cases, it is often the children who are the greatest victims.  In our “woes” as mommies in America, we take so many things for granted.

I don’t know what it feels like to have your home completely destroyed, to have no water or electricity, to have lost loved ones in minutes, and to de displaced in such an extreme manner. I don’t know what it must feel like to live in a place where you have to wait for emergency rescue to arrive from other countries.  

I pray that with God’s grace I am never in those circumstances.

But, if so, I am doing what I hope others would do for me.

Be compassionate.

Donate what you can.  (I've given to the Red Cross and Wyclef Jean's Yele Haiti fund)

And pray incessantly. 

Please share what you are doing.

Like any mom, I’m always looking for a teachable moment. In school, at the dinner table or in the check out line. The other day, I was searching for one in the news (I know, crazy right??) The constant bombardment of coverage of Sen. Reid’s racial faux pas on every cable news network was so asinine I wanted to cancel my cable subscription in disgust (but the new season of Big Love just started. LOL!).

In case you’ve been in a cave, the uproar is over the Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s recently published comments about President Barack Obama.  A new book quotes Reid, (D-Nevada), as saying privately in 2008 that Obama could be successful as a black candidate in part because of his "light-skinned" appearance and speaking patterns "with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one."

Now Reid is under fire for making racial insensitive comments, with many Republicans calling for him to resign. WTH?

Now apart from the use of the word, Negro, which makes him sound more like an Uncle Bens-throwback than a racist, the fact is, what Reid say, is indeed, true. In fact, most African Americans agree with Reid.

Let’s review. Is Obama light skinned? Yes.

Does he speak a straight-from-the-suburbs-Harvard-educated level of English ? Yes.

So what? So do 10 million other black Americans. We’ve just been stereotyped as infinitive splitting, participle dangling fools, so any black person with a standard command of the English language is viewed as an anomaly.  And truth be told, anyone of us can pick up a “Negro dialect” when we want to have one. That’s a trick black people have been navigating for years. Some historians assert it was a survival tactic we learned during slavery. Researchers have even documented our ability to “shift” in and out of our various worlds, “shifting corporate” to use our educated “work” voice in the office or around white people, and then “shifting” again to have a more relaxed vernacular when we’re among like folks. You know how we do.

BTW, have you read, Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America by Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden, Ph.D.? Great book! Here's the Amazon link:   http://www.amazon.com/Shifting-Double-Lives-Black-America/dp/B0009309DQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1263308132&sr=1-1 

 

Anyway, what was even more upsetting is that the majority of people in an uproar about this alleged insensitivity to Blacks are…wait for it….non-Blacks.  Oh yeah, and the black man who heads the Republican National Convention, but I’m not sure we’re still counting him these days. Are we?  

But deeply recessed behind the media hype and the blatantly obvious political agenda, I did manage to extricate a few critical lessons about life in America that I hope to pass along to my beautiful brown children.  

 

1.      Don’t tell the truth.  Telling the truth is not appreciated in this country. Especially when the truth involves race. We are absolutely, positively not ready to have an honest conversation about race in this country. I think the history of comments posted to some of my Momlogic blog posts speaks volumes to this little nugget. Did you see the 83 comments on my spanking in suburbia blog?? Even my mama was worried.  

 

2.      Don’t ever use antiquated words.  This is truly one to grow one. Keep up with the current politically correct or popular parlance.  Pick up a People magazine or watch Sports Center, for crying out loud. Nobody wants to get caught using words that only the Census Bureau and old politicians are still using.

 

3.      Don’t bother apologizing. Reid has apologized and apologized and apologized. His apology has been accepted by the President and countless other black leaders have continued to support him, but to no avail.  Apparently, the “I’m sorry” thing only works with athletes and cheating politicians.   

 

4.      Don’t say stupid stuff in books.  Books really stick around…and on shelves!!! And can make your “2000 and late” comment look like current events. Instead, go new media 2.0 and make your racial faux pas on the Internet. Then if anything goes wrong, you can always pay a reputable search engine optimization company to make sure your bad press falls off the Google search engines.

 

And there you have it people! Thank you Senator Reid for your wrongs. I have truly learned a lot about America.

Just when I think I've got this single parenting thing down, I recently realized I have a serious bout of "single parent travel-aphobia." Of course, I just made that up. But the point is, I've been avoiding  some mini-vacations and weekend getaways because of my fear of managing two children all on my lonesome.

I mean, I can do cruises, amusements parks and any resort with a kids club (and a bar!), but weekend getaways give me anxiety. And when you've got a visitation schedule to fit into, weekends matter. Here's my dilemma:

For example, over the summer, the kids were all geeked up for our annual weekend stayover at Sesame Place. In the past, I've had a girlfriend come along with us. But this year, between one engaged friend and another one all "booed" up  with a new man, I couldn't find anyone to go with us on any of my free weekends. The thought of managing the water slides (Kayla's and Michael's favorite) or that roller coaster on my own was scary. Kayla is too chicken to ride alone or with Michael. And Michael is fearless but too young to ride those slides by himself. Nor can I leave one standing at the top of the line until I come back. All I could see was Kayla tipping over in an inner tube at the bottom while I'm holding on to Michael. Oh lawd!  

What to do? What to do? I deliberated so much, we never went.

Lately, they've been asking to go to Great Wolf Lodge. Has anyone been? It is an indoor water park with a few locations. I would just love to take the kids there over the break but I'm back to my issue: how do I manage two kids and water slides when I'm just one person.

Oh and before you ask about other people, let me say that we used to travel with another couple with kids around the same age which gave Kayla some company and took some pressure off. But as you can imagine, I don't get any overnight trip invitations from the married couples anymore now that I'm in the single and manless category.

I'm working on my single mother circle, but right now it doesn't include any moms with children around the same ages as mine. Plus, you know you just can't travel with anybody. Or their kids!

Anyone have any ideas? Am I being too para?

Should I make Kayla man up and just get on every ride with her brother?

If anyone has tips for managing two when you're only one, then please send them my way. Quick. School is out!

 

In motherhood,

Kimberly