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The Big Reveal: Tips for Sharing (or Not) your pregnancy news with family and friends

Becoming pregnant is a joyous time for women and many want to call their close family and friends immediately after finding out. Some are more nervous than others and do not quite know how to break the news, especially when factoring the merging families.

We’re sharing a few tips featured in The Mocha Manual to a Fabulous Pregnancy to guide you through this life changing experience.

When and How to Make the Big Announcement

You’ve got big news and want to shout it from the mountaintops. But should you? The general rule of thumb has always been to wait until after the first trimester, when the risk of miscarriage drops drastically. Some people only want to tell their immediate family before that time for fear of an early pregnancy loss. Others tell everyone, reasoning that if they did have a loss, they would want the support of others. Choosing the whens and hows of making your announcement can feel tricky.

Here are some tips:

Your Family: Try as you might to wait, family members have a way of figuring out these things quickly. You may even give yourself away if you have severe nausea and vomiting. Or there’s always an intuitive auntie or grandmother who comments on your “smell” of pregnancy, or something equally odd that tells her you are with child.

it was Big Mama who told Diane, from Long Beach, California, that she was pregnant long before she even knew. Big Mama said you could always tell that a black woman was pregnant by the double pulse in her neck, and Diane’s neck had it. Diane blew off an old wives’ tale, but when her period didn’t come the following week, she was curious to wait. A pregnancy test proved her Big Mama right. So, don’t be surprised when well-intentioned country folk cal you out.

If family members keep asking before you’re ready to share and you don’t want to lie, try saying, “Well, we’re definitely putting in the practice,” or “I wouldn’t mind if I were,” or “No announcements to be made.” Just remember: don’t feel pressured. Share the news when you and your partner feel comfortable.

Here’s and idea: call your mom and tell her to set another place at Thanksgiving dinner next year.

Your friends: Sharing with your closest friends can be your revelations. Hugs, kisses, gifts and free lunches are sure to come your way. If not, get new friends!

When sharing, start off with the friend you are absolutely, 100 percent sure will be over the moon for you. If you’re not elated yet about this pregnancy, then tell the friend who’s always able to look at things positively. For a fun group announcement wit your friends, invite them over for a cocktail party and drink milk from your martini glass. They’ll be sure to figure it out.

Excerpted from The Mocha Manual to a Fabulous Pregnancy  by Kimberly Seals Allers (Amistad/HarperCollins)

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