Marriage Mondays: 12 Steps to a Loving Marriage
If you and your love are in a lull, follow these practical 12 steps to get you on your way to marital bliss, courtesy of Marriage Coach Alisha Walker.
- Divorce is not an option. We put this thought first because if you go into your daily walk in your relationship with the mindset that divorce is not an option, you are less likely to consider it when times get rough. Only consider divorce in extreme conditions that really warrant that you leave.
- Believe in your marriage and the love that you have for one another. Believe that no matter what, your marriage can survive the setbacks and that you and your spouse love each other enough to overcome those. If that love doesn’t feel that deep today, then remember when it was and draw from that emotion.
- Be willing to assess your part in the relationship. Everyone plays a role in the state of their relationship. Everything cannot be your partner’s fault; you have played a part in the success or the faults of your marriage. What have you done to contribute positively or negatively? What can you do differently to make things better today?
- Accept and understand your spouse. We all have our faults, including your spouse. Accept them by understanding their faults.
- Appreciate your spouse. Show your partner how much you love them through words and actions. Do something for them today — that shows your appreciation — but make sure that it is something that they would like.
- Cultivate your friendship in all phases of your relationship from newlywed to parenthood to empty nest. Your friendship should be the foundation of your relationship no matter what phase of the relationship.
- Love your spouse even when they are unlovable. Yes there are days when you wish that you could just shake some sense into them, but even on those days, love your spouse.
- Meet each other’s expectations. There are spoken and unspoken expectations in marriage. Listen for the expectations of your spouse and strive to meet them.
- Trust one another. Trust is one of those foundational things in a marriage; without trust there are cracks in the foundation of your relationship.
- Speak life. There is life and death in the words that you speak. When you speak positively, you breathe life into your relationship.
- Communicate regularly sexually. Be intimate with one another, have sex with one another regularly. Sex is a form of communication on a level that brings you closer together.
- Belief and guidance in God. Above all else seek the guidance from God for the direction of your relationship.
Ben and Alisha Walker, “The Marriage Coaches,” are passionate about repairing, restoring and revitalizing relationships and are co-authors of I Love Being Married: A Guide to Divorceproof Your Marriage.