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SMS. Leaving the suburbs to save myself

The suburbs are great for raising kids, especially if your family has two married adults and 2.5 kids.

But after my divorce, I began to have this lingering feeling that the suburbs just weren't for me anymore. My married friends slowly drifted away. I was tired of being the fifth wheel anyway, and there was a new uneasiness about me being around their husbands. Memo to the marrieds: Honey, I don't want your husband, I've listened to you complain about him for years.  It was as if there was a scarlet D stamped on my forehead, only to be seen by the ultraviolet light of insecure wives.

I had no family or real friends in the area. In fact, the only thing keeping me in the suburbs was the "wasband." He lived nearby.Oh and he had this court order restricting me from moving out of the county. 

But then a dark cloud and a silver lining.

The wasband made the unfortunate decision to move back to his home, London, England.

 I'll spare you his reasons, none of which were, in my opinion, valid enough to leave two beautiful faces behind. Of course, he says he will visit often and fly them over on school breaks. Whatever.

It was a cruel blow to my children who were used to his close proximity despite our divorce. But when he boarded that plane so went a restrictive court order that for years had prevented me from moving. It was my window of opportunity.

With no more legal restrictions, I was free to create my next life instead of coping with the remnants of my old one.

So I did something drastic.

I packed up my children, rented out my lovely house with the lovely pool and moved into a spacious apartment closer to the city. It's still very suburban for city living, there's a farm across the street and a golf course two blocks away, but I'm back in my hometown, in one of the best school districts, closer to a possible support network and 20 minutes from NYC.

Before I made the move, I spent many pensive and tearful nights and days weighing the options. Turns out my kids happen to love the suburbs. They couldn't imagine life without a pool, a big yard and swing under their favorite tree, and trust me, I second guessed myself for months, wondered if I was being selfish, and pondered what was really best for my children.

At the end of the tears, lists, points and counterpoints, and asking every friend, relative and near stranger for input, I was clear– when mama is happy, the whole family is happy.

And quite frankly, mama wasn't ahppy.

I'm a social person. And being so far from the city with no real friends and family near by was terribly lonely. I was too far away for my old friends to just drop by or receive casual visits, and being far from the city made it difficult to do the networking and staying connected stuff that I needed for my business.

I found myself slowly slipping into depression. While my kids frolicked in our lovely inground pool, and ran all over our 3/4 acre property, I was lonely. I won't even mention the black single mother in non-black suburbs factor (which by the way exponentially increases the loneliness quotient).

So I moved out of the suburbs to save myself, and ergo, my children. I hope they will understand.

The move was grueling. But the throwing out, driving off and starting over, oh so therapeutic.

So long suburbs. You served your purpose. But you just do not fit me anymore.

 

 

In motherhood,

Kimberly

(Kayla and Michael pose in the pumpkin patch at the farm near our new home) Kayla and Michael pose in the pumpkin patch at the farm near our new home

 

 

Comments
4 Responses to “SMS. Leaving the suburbs to save myself”
  1. Tia says:

    Hi,you sound like an amazing and courages woman and mother.Kuddos to you for putting your new life in perspective and making it fit the new you!Youre right…when mama is happy everyone is happy.From the photos of your smiling lovely children…id say their happy too:)
    Blessings,Tia

  2. Dolevera says:

    Thank you for sharing. I am in that same perdicament in making that same decision. I am glad I read this article this morning. You really have helped me make a decision to move closer to friends and family.

    Dolevera

  3. Dawn says:

    Congratulations to you, Kim. Kids are so much more resilient than we ever give them credit for being.

  4. Kristy C. says:

    Thank you for sharing your story… We dont always realize how our own story and decisions may affect someone elses life. Im going through a divorce and live in the city. Ive been debating for a while moving to Hawaii with my 5-year old. You have helped me to better put things into perspective.

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